06.06.08
I can’t live a “normal” life.
Eventhough I did say that my eczema is getting better, I have to constantly remind myself that I have allergies that can trigger my eczema. These allergies will not go away! Hubby bought a few packets of crisps. Its walkers crisps. I think its more for the nostalgia and where the tastes of it brings us in our childhood is the reason we bought it. 
I ate a couple of bags the other day and now my almost clear skin is itchy from the crisps and my eczema has turned up on my neck, the folds of my arms and patches around my mouth, cheek and forehead. I have to resort to putting on my steroid cream on those areas.
I know I have to still live like I have full blown eczema even though my skin is on the road to recovery. But its hard! When my skin almost feels normal I want to feel normal just like everyone else. I want to be able to go out with friends and not be hindered by my eczema. I want to eat without checking with the waiter if there are any ingredients that I can’t eat. I want to be able to put on nice clothes without getting to hot and itchy. I want to wear make-up without thinking will I have a reaction to it. I want to be able to got through the automatic passport lane at the airport where they check your thumb print before you leave the country instead of going though the manual lane. ( I don’t have any finger prints because of my eczema) I want to be able to go for extreme sports without thinking whether the water or the sun or the wind or the equipment might just cause my eczema to erupt and itch like crazy. I want to be able to do all the things that I love to do and eat but its all just a dream.
Sometimes I pretend that things will be ok only to get up the next morning and find my eczema there for me to nurture till its comfortable and that my plans for the day needs to be readjusted. When I readjust them I have to disappoint people. And when you disappoint people who don’t understand what you are going through you will start to lose friends. The walls start becoming coming in on you and your world starts to get emptier in a world full of people. This is when depression sets in. If you can identify its depression then you can do something about it. Its when your can’t that close friends and family patience’s are being tested. The good thing is you can filter friend from foe, and family… well…. that you can filter too. The ones that remain. Well…. you have to be patient with them because they have a certain amount of patients too.
You would think after 34 years I would have come to terms with it. But each time I try its just gets harder to do. I think its because i don’t get the support I need to see it through.
Time and time again I fall into the trap of thinking that I am normal and can live a normal life when my skin is better. I have not learnt my lesson. This is one time when optimism does not work. I have to change my mind set. I think that is the key. I have to still live like I have full blown eczema and face the never ending challenges. I have to make it part of life and stop thinking that I am normal because I’m not. I have a disability that no one in my life or in this country understands unless you are a sufferer yourself. I have to suffer in silence and smile at adversities.
How I have to change my mind set, I don’t know quite yet. I think it has to start with complete and utter acceptance coupled with taking the responsibility that comes with acceptance. That’s such a tall order. Trying to change my mind set is not key. Making the decision and sticking to it is. Coming to that end is the most frightening thing of all.
ItChy
Caitmin said,
June 9, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Haven’t had Walkers in years – used to love ‘em when I lived in the UK although I grew up on Tayto crips in Ireland now we get Lay’s in New Jersey
Never thought of them as an eczema trigger.
Have a look at this site and let me know what you think
http://www.exederm.com
azah said,
June 17, 2008 at 1:32 am
Hey Caitmin
Thanks for writing. We have lays here too. Yum Yum but another trigger…huff
Skimmed through the site. Looks promising. I’ve not used exederm before. I’ve changed to cetaphil myself on the recommendation of the doctor because I was reacting to everything I use to use.
You have to remember, what works for me may not work for you and vise versa. Different patients react differently to different things. You may be ok with walkers and lays but I sure can’t. sniff. Another thing to remember is, our skin changes with age, exposure to the sun and changes with hormones. I use to use artistry for my face. After prolonged use I changed from sensitive to normal skin. Now I can’t even use any of them and I have changed to eucerin products.
When I want to change products I usually look at the ingredients. I know some of the ingredients that I’m allergic too. Namely Lanolin, alcohol and perfume.
Another thing is, there was a time I collected all the creme’s lotion and potions of the shelf from the pharmacist. I tried one at a time in desperation to find the correct product for me. My mother was livid because I wasted so much money because I gave the ones I could not use to her. After I explained she was ok.
I found the correct lotion in the end, but since that lotion I have changed lotion twice. But this time I know which product not to use because I’ve tested it before. I know look for the newer products. 
So give it a try you never know that exederm might just be for you.
Good Luck and let me know
ItChY
drunkenspaniel said,
July 16, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Hey, you. You know what you have to do – I know because you’ve written it!
No-one ever said it would be easy.
But we’re here.
azah said,
July 17, 2008 at 3:04 am
Thanks
Sometimes this writer needs support to.
Edwin Casimero said,
August 6, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I was able to cure my eczema through detoxing, change in lifestyle to eliminate pollution from food and personal care products and change in diet to a raw paleolithic diet.
The “normal” person today lives with disease prone habits of processed food, poluted personal care products and constipation.
Check out my website and please add my blog to your blog roll www . eczemacure . info / blog
I hope I can teach you how to cure your eczema.
desperate + depressed said,
August 22, 2008 at 10:02 am
Hi, im a 16 yo and ive suffered from eczema all my life.
After being diagnosed with a tumour earlier this year and going through all the treatment, my eczema during this time was a bit better.
But now with it flaring up again i feel depressed and sad. If its not this its that…
Ive tried most things but nothing seems to really work.
The worst part i guess is getting out bed in the morning which is a pain since i have it all over my body.
life sucks for me.
yati said,
August 28, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Assalamualaikum…
Dear azah, i would like to write in malay….derita penyakit ekzema sya semakin kronik, sya rasa dah putus asa, mcm2 dah cuba, entahlah…
Suzette said,
August 31, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Hello All,
I posted this for someone on here but I have to let the Ezcema world know.I had ezcema all my life and nothing and I mean nothing seems to work. My girlfriend told me about a product called Renew from a company called melaleuca. com. I tried that cream for one week. My itching had stopped I had no more sleepless nights and I would share this info with anyone I know. I was complaining that I had to purchase a membership which was $29.00 for the year and $12.00 a year after the first year in order to order from their website and you have to be referred. Let me tell you that has been the best $29.00 investment I made in my whole life. The Renew is also 100% guaranteed so if it doesn’t work you will get your money or credit back. TRY IT! It has changed my life. It is 14% more hydrated than any cream I bght by prescription or over the counter. THANK YOU MELALEUCA! You can email her at DKellam@Vitalityforlife.com if you are interested. All of their products are eco-friendly so I guess that might be a reason that I was not allergic. I also stated purchasing their soaps, oils and items to wash my clothes…I had it all over my body. The only place I did not have it was in the middle of my face. I go out now with confidence, don’t have to worry about the staring and I really feel good about myself now! Try it if it doesn’t work send it back!
Deb- Miracle II Soap said,
September 16, 2008 at 12:03 am
Great post. I just recently got nummular eczema and it will almost disappear and then flare up but I am not sure which foods cause this. Not feeling like one fits in is alienating but I have gratitude that it isn’t terminal and also it isn’t contagious. When you have one of the above, life is much more difficult.
Deb
Bal Kang said,
March 12, 2009 at 9:59 am
Has anyone tried the recipe for eczema relief on the BBC website from the programme ‘How to grow your own drugs’? They use Viola flowers and chamomile to make a cream.
Bal Kang
Baby Eczema Help
Fariz said,
March 28, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Hi Kak Azah,
Fariz here, its been a long time since the last time i visit your blog and eczema.webs.com.
Its been a very bz time as i am doing my chambering rite now. I have no time checking out blogs and all those stuff i used to do.
Akak.
“( I don’t have any finger prints because of my eczema)”
Ha ah la kak.. saya baru aja sedar yang we have no thumbprints.. No wonder its really hard for them to scan my thumbs. ( i went to oversea recently.. and Yeay… FINALLY…it is my first time… )
I was so excited.Because it is the very first time. Somehow.. as usual lah.. eczema….T_T… ruined everything.
I thought it is because of the machine or something… but someone at the airport… sok sek sok sek at the back… “cuba you guys tengok tangan dia.. i think it is his hand not the scanner”…
It was a very sad episode for me….
But hey!! look at the bright side.. we can get away if we killed people who make fun of our skin…
No thumb prints.. no evidence..
Haha.. kidding….
Anyway akak, be strong ok…as you said.. God’s always fair. You have a very loving and understanding husband with you.
at least.
Me? I’m not so lucky tho.
Fariz said,
March 28, 2009 at 4:15 pm
akak lupa nak cakap..
this post. Well said.
I experienced the same thing. THE VERY SAME THING.
and the hardest part is.
NO ONE UNDERSTAND.
azah said,
March 29, 2009 at 5:02 pm
HI fariz!
Good to know that I’m not the only one having the fingerprint scan problem. What I did recently was to rescan my prints at JPN. So the next time I went out I did not have the same problem. They also have a bank of your prints sejak you ada IC.
Anyway, always remember that people who read this blog and are sufferers Always Understands. You are not alone.
Salams
Fariz said,
April 1, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Salam Kak Azah,
Rescan prints at JPN…erm..
akak, i have a question to ask.. i hope you don’t mind..
Do our thumb prints changed because of Eczema?
If so, why the need to rescan the prints.. its going to change again after all…
Thanks akak. Its really hard to find people who can understand Eczema’s sufferers.
akak, before i terforgot…
There is a soap..called EUMORA ( Miracle Soap )..Have you heard anything about it? People told me it can control eczema.
azah said,
April 1, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Salam Kembali,
It seems that mine does. It gets better and my fingerprints start to appear and the eczema gets smaller and vice versa. Orang kat JPN kata my fingerprint macam tulisan cina!
Anyway I wanted to share with you something. I just renewed my passport today and had to scan my fingerprints again. Luckily it went through. Then I admitted to the officer my problems. She then suggested that I get a letter from JPN stating the problem and take that letter with me if i ever go through immigration again. And if possible to bring a doctor’s letter as evidence. Now why didn’t JPN say that in the first place! So I’ll be doing that.
I think I’ll write a blog on this and see how who response to this.
As for the miracle soap. I have not heard of it. All I can say is just try. Each eczema patient is different, so it could work for you. If it doesn’t then at least you have tried and can eliminate this soap.
Thanks for reading my blog dear
Salams
Azah
Fariz said,
April 6, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Owh..
erm.. apa lah nasib….. huhuhuhuu
now we have to bring doctor’s letter everywhere.
steroid cream, aqueos cream, xyrtec, anti depressent…
and now doctor’s letter… tadaaaa… hahahahha
Kak Azah.. you really are seorang yang penyabar…
owh yeah,i just called the person who offered me the soap.
It is bloody mahal.rm95 for sabun kecik like the one the provide you at hotel.I have eczema all over,soap that size,will never cover everything more than a month. Anyway i decided to try.. so.. next month la kot i buy…
Yes Kak Azah, That is a very good idea. I rarely heard anyone complaining about losng their thumb prints. I never read it anywhere. I doubt many skin specialist know about this.Well, at least i don’t know about it. I suffered eczema for almost 10 years now, but recently i realized i’m losing my thumb prints.
Hurm.
so, write a blog about it kak. I’ll be the first to respond.
hahaha
Anyway.. i think its going to be really interesting. Hurm..